i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
