He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize