Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
