we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
