i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize