Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
