I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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