I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.