So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize