i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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