I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
be right there i have to get my cape
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
