Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
