Im at strip club and am horny
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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