my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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