I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
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I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
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I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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