I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
It's shark week go big or go home
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
