Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My liver is preforming stress tests.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
