No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
