I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
