i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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