So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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