I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize