Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
