please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
