coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
We're not piercing ourselves today.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
