dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
