you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
