I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Who died my cat blue again?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
