I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
