Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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