Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
