and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
