Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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