fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
