It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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