We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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