i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
