Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
