I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
