Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
