Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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