so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
