Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
