Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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