Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
