Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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