Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
