i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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