Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
