so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
