who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
We had sex on a dog bed..
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
