Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after