My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.