If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
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I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
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She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology