I heard we made out
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off