thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
