What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
