Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
