a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
