hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
