Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
