dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
