tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
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update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
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theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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