Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
birth control should be required to get into college
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
