i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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